Ok, that may not be the most apt title I could come up with, but it suffices. I have really thought about this, quite a bit, and am totally serious when I say....
I believe that women with unnaturally large breast implants should not be allowed to have children.
I'm sure that seems a little odd, but I'm thinking of extending the statement to include women with enormous amounts of collagen or any other cosmetic procedure that results in an appearance that is other than natural - you know, lips that take up 1/3 of your face, or cheekbones that are so angular they extend beyond the brow line or are even with your ears, breasts that are triple, quadruple the size of your waist (not taking in to account health issues - we're talking about implants only right now), ribs that have been removed to give an exaggerated hour glass effect - and it works cause you wonder how the girl gets anything larger than a grain of sand down her gullet...
Why, you ask, why, why , why do I have such an extreme view on this???
Good question, I answer.
The perpetuation of an artificial ideal is an abhorrence to me - that a woman is free to choose what she does with her body should be a given - but there should be a choice defined. Choosing drastic plastic surgery in order to achieve a personal version of ideal that has no bearing on a realistic or natural state of the female body should be a choice not only to undergo the procedure but also to forfeit the right to bear - or adopt - children.
It is unfair to force an innocent child to enter a world where their primary focus for so many years of their life, the standard by which they learn to judge the rest of the world and through which they learn about themselves, that that standard should be removed from any basis in reality is wrong.
A little girl should not be allowed to believe that a surgically enhanced caricature of the female body is the norm... there is no way a child growing up within that standard could ever possibly be satisfied with their own physical development - and affirmation for a young girl's body is unlikely to flow from a woman who feels the need to make a mockery of her own physique.
How unfair to the daughters... and the boys - what an unrealistic expectation you are breeding in them! What standard are you setting - that they should expect the female body to be contorted in to a spectacle rather than learn to appreciate a woman for who and how she is - they're deprived of a woman as a role model who has learned to be comfortable with her self, with a reality based physique, with who she is in relation to her body. They are deprived of a woman who can mother them who has learned to accept herself for who she truly is, and can encourage her son to not only accept himself, but to value his partner for substance over shape.
No, I'm not talking about a nose job or a lift or a little nip or tuck here, I'm talking about naturally skinny, smaller breasted women becoming Dolly Parton or bigger... the over the top porn star look... the lips that have been inflated beyond the trout pout and have become a caricature of a cartoon fish... the waist that is so small that two hands can encircle it, touching at the knuckles... this is not referring to any sort of corrective procedure, or a smoothing out, or refining process, but to those types of major undertakings that you see on the street or in a photo and wonder - why? What compelled her? How unhappy, how empty, how shallow, how insecure, how needy, how oblivious, how white bread, how easily swayed by the media, how come???
Showing posts with label parenting. Show all posts
Showing posts with label parenting. Show all posts
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
Monday, May 5, 2008
I GOT ACCEPTED!
Now here comes the hard part...
What to do.
I know what I want to do, go and live and learn and love and grow and be happy. The logistics are working themselves out, I just need to be patient and let that finish happening.
The hard part is how to handle the child issue - which will be an intense but surmountable battle - and the dog, which is just a whole other matter.
The Kid is still holding out hope for an opening to arise, knowing she will be plucked from the list of alternates at one of the country's more presitgious boarding schools. Alternatively she has announced that she will be journeying with me. The Father, as uninvolved as he is in her daily life, will protest at the idea of her leaving the country - although he was fine with her moving cross-country - even though he will have the same amount of visitation and exposure to her either way. That is the surmountable part. She is nearly 15 and can decide for herself. In fact, she has decided and so now I will make sure that is what happens. And if she changes her mind and decides on something else then I will make sure THAT happens as well.
The dog - logistically, that will be a nightmare. Just getting her to and from the airport will be a nightmare. A great big one considering how neurotic she is. I'm not sure an international flight would be in her best interest. I've gotta figure something out.
Meanwhile I am trying to pay attention to the other big issues, like - um, where will we live? How will we get around? Visa stuff and renewing passports...Learning how to navigate the foreign police...Those minor issues that arise.
Like I said, everything will be worked out.
Dammit - the one thing I'm upset about today - the Dandy Warhols had a free listening party in SF tonight and I missed it! The only announced it yesterday and I couldn't get my act together in order to make it happen. I don't know if I'll ever get to see them!
What to do.
I know what I want to do, go and live and learn and love and grow and be happy. The logistics are working themselves out, I just need to be patient and let that finish happening.
The hard part is how to handle the child issue - which will be an intense but surmountable battle - and the dog, which is just a whole other matter.
The Kid is still holding out hope for an opening to arise, knowing she will be plucked from the list of alternates at one of the country's more presitgious boarding schools. Alternatively she has announced that she will be journeying with me. The Father, as uninvolved as he is in her daily life, will protest at the idea of her leaving the country - although he was fine with her moving cross-country - even though he will have the same amount of visitation and exposure to her either way. That is the surmountable part. She is nearly 15 and can decide for herself. In fact, she has decided and so now I will make sure that is what happens. And if she changes her mind and decides on something else then I will make sure THAT happens as well.
The dog - logistically, that will be a nightmare. Just getting her to and from the airport will be a nightmare. A great big one considering how neurotic she is. I'm not sure an international flight would be in her best interest. I've gotta figure something out.
Meanwhile I am trying to pay attention to the other big issues, like - um, where will we live? How will we get around? Visa stuff and renewing passports...Learning how to navigate the foreign police...Those minor issues that arise.
Like I said, everything will be worked out.
Dammit - the one thing I'm upset about today - the Dandy Warhols had a free listening party in SF tonight and I missed it! The only announced it yesterday and I couldn't get my act together in order to make it happen. I don't know if I'll ever get to see them!
Monday, May 7, 2007
Searching for Something...not a soulmate, not my shoes, but something all the same
So, I've been kind of cooped up for the last few months and during that time life has thrown many a curve ball. I am a fairly easygoing person, and lousy whenever you throw any type of ball at me, so I've continued on my regular path...which means I turn around, flee the dugout, and hit the hottub to contemplate the deeper meaning of the word "curve" in the phrase curve ball.... I mean it's not like the shape of the sphere actually changes so... nevermind
Point is...I adjust and move on.
It looks as though my intended career and my ability to reap the rewards of my years of education and the benefits of a doctoral degree are in the distant future. It's not good. And I must make more adjustments.
Such as, I have decided to return to my creative youth, while retaining my present maturity, and write. I have to say, the computer I am currently using is just about awful for my physical being, and my first assignment is to earn enough money to get myself a new laptop so I can be forever comfortable in the setting of my choice.
I am probably the most voracious reader you will ever meet...or at least ever hear of. I read constantly, multiple books at a time (bad habit), and quickly. I love to read. It relaxes me and excites me, puts me to sleep and keeps me awake. It's the wonder drug. Just adjust the topic or author and you will find the desired benefit.
I want to write about parenting, but I don't know how to start off. I have some excellent ideas. I think I'm going to just start in the middle, and elaborate on life circumstances that have both impressed me and bothered me - my child acknowledging something amazing, other parents' belittling behaviour that as a single action is not abusive yet as a pattern creates severe emotional trauma.
There are so many things that I've come across and written about for myself, situations that I've lived, or helped others through, or just had to remove myself from altogether after acknowledging that such horror exists in this world.
I am not the most learned woman out there, I didn't start the whole parenting thing off on the best foot, I'm not the award winning mother, but I am a great mom who has managed to raise a wonderful, grounded, emotionally mature, intelligent, witty, and amazing girl-child. My daughter is and always will be fantastic. She is the kid (and I say this only because it has happened repeatedly) you want to come over and spend the night, heck the weekend, or make it the week, hoping that her influence will help your child to step it up a notch. She is respectful, clears the table when a guest in your home, uses her napkin, minds her manners, and has been recognized at school for her skills both academically and as a born mediator - she is one who observes and reaches out to assist those in need, calming, mediating, just listening. She is active in the local volunteer agency, studies music, and until her most recent and severe injury from which she is recovering, played sports and has been recognized at the epitome of a true team player.
Yes I am a proud mom. I am proud of her immensly, and when I look at her accomplishments, reflect upon our wonderful and wonderous dynamic, and think of her inner strength and stability, I am proud of myself as well.
And as I glance back up to the heading on this post it makes me realize I'm not actually looking for something, what I have is so wonderful I am fearful of it changing. She is growing and maturing every day. She surprises me in so many ways. She is my inspiration. I wish, I pray, and this is coming from a non-religious person here, I do pray that we may stay who we are, only becoming more fully ourselves while maintaining our dynamic, not because it is the root of envy for other mothers, not because she is far and away the greatest accomplishment I will ever claim, but simply because I love her beyond words, and feel that love returned equally. I do not yet know how to let it go. I can let her grow, but I hope it will not be away from me.
Point is...I adjust and move on.
It looks as though my intended career and my ability to reap the rewards of my years of education and the benefits of a doctoral degree are in the distant future. It's not good. And I must make more adjustments.
Such as, I have decided to return to my creative youth, while retaining my present maturity, and write. I have to say, the computer I am currently using is just about awful for my physical being, and my first assignment is to earn enough money to get myself a new laptop so I can be forever comfortable in the setting of my choice.
I am probably the most voracious reader you will ever meet...or at least ever hear of. I read constantly, multiple books at a time (bad habit), and quickly. I love to read. It relaxes me and excites me, puts me to sleep and keeps me awake. It's the wonder drug. Just adjust the topic or author and you will find the desired benefit.
I want to write about parenting, but I don't know how to start off. I have some excellent ideas. I think I'm going to just start in the middle, and elaborate on life circumstances that have both impressed me and bothered me - my child acknowledging something amazing, other parents' belittling behaviour that as a single action is not abusive yet as a pattern creates severe emotional trauma.
There are so many things that I've come across and written about for myself, situations that I've lived, or helped others through, or just had to remove myself from altogether after acknowledging that such horror exists in this world.
I am not the most learned woman out there, I didn't start the whole parenting thing off on the best foot, I'm not the award winning mother, but I am a great mom who has managed to raise a wonderful, grounded, emotionally mature, intelligent, witty, and amazing girl-child. My daughter is and always will be fantastic. She is the kid (and I say this only because it has happened repeatedly) you want to come over and spend the night, heck the weekend, or make it the week, hoping that her influence will help your child to step it up a notch. She is respectful, clears the table when a guest in your home, uses her napkin, minds her manners, and has been recognized at school for her skills both academically and as a born mediator - she is one who observes and reaches out to assist those in need, calming, mediating, just listening. She is active in the local volunteer agency, studies music, and until her most recent and severe injury from which she is recovering, played sports and has been recognized at the epitome of a true team player.
Yes I am a proud mom. I am proud of her immensly, and when I look at her accomplishments, reflect upon our wonderful and wonderous dynamic, and think of her inner strength and stability, I am proud of myself as well.
And as I glance back up to the heading on this post it makes me realize I'm not actually looking for something, what I have is so wonderful I am fearful of it changing. She is growing and maturing every day. She surprises me in so many ways. She is my inspiration. I wish, I pray, and this is coming from a non-religious person here, I do pray that we may stay who we are, only becoming more fully ourselves while maintaining our dynamic, not because it is the root of envy for other mothers, not because she is far and away the greatest accomplishment I will ever claim, but simply because I love her beyond words, and feel that love returned equally. I do not yet know how to let it go. I can let her grow, but I hope it will not be away from me.
Thursday, March 15, 2007
Methadone is kickin my butt - and I'm ready to kick his!
Right now I guess I'm experience life as someone who is manic depressive would - but unlike a manic depressive it's due to the chemicals I am putting inside my body.
Yesterday was great, we both slept in a bit, but then we got up and out and ran errands and were incredibly productive, took a drive to visit out of town friends, and then caught my cousin's show last night (joeclopton.com - he freakin rocks man!). All and all is was a pretty excellent day - until I was ready for bed. Once again I lay there for hours and hours. Fortunately I fell asleep before 4, unfortunately, and unlike any other night, I slept until 11.
So once I got up today it was rushing around to shower and dress and clean the house before I have to leave for the doctor and the babysitter and teacher were coming. I made it to the docs, it was a first visit with a new specialist, and it went well but it took 2 hours. I came home and crashed. I slept till about 4:30. My poor kid. She was fine, worked on this new computerized home design thing she loves, napped, homework, the dog, but still, poor kid. I didn't have energy to string a sentence together until 6:30. Even then I was far from ways away from a spring in my step and sly grin on my face - try heavy lidded eyes and husky I'm sleeping voice with an irritable 'the phone woke me and now I can't get back to sleep' attitude.
About 5 she called her Dad to remind him she was spending the night. As I was still pretty out of it she asked him to pick her up. He told her to call him about 7 or 7:30 for an answer. So she called at 7:15, he yelled at her for calling before 7:30 and told her to call back later. So she did - and he asked his roommate if they could pick up the kid (Brief explaination here - the guy chooses not to pay child support so the state has taken his drivers license. If he doesn't come up with $300 before May 1st, he'll finally go to jail - that may sound harsh BUT his current monthly support is ONLY $100 - I'm nice, really nice - and with the current amount in mind - he's over $28,000 behind. You have to struggle to get that far behind - I mean, you really have to work at it to be such a deadbeat.)
Unknownst to him, the kid heard both sides of his conversation and it went like this:
DAD to roommate: Hey, do you mind if we go get the kid?
ROOMMATE'S IMMEDIATE RESPONSE; Yeah, sure.
DAD into the phone: Are you sure? You sounded kinda hesitant like you're not feeling good or something.
ROOMMATE: Yeah, no, that's fine. How bout half an hour?
The kid got off the phone to tell me he would be here in half an hour but she had tears in her eyes - I asked what's wrong and she told me not to be mad or anything, and then relayed the conversation. She was pissed. She was pissed that she had to call him 3 times before he'd ask his roomate, and when the guy said yeah, immediately in a non-upset tone, that her dad tried to weasle out of it - she felt like he was lying, that he didn't want her there but was trying to blame it on the roommate being an asshole and not wanting to drive. Except she said jerk and not asshole.
She's right you know. But asshole is a more appropriate description than jerk. I'm sure there are even more appropriate descriptions out there and welcome your version - so come one, gimme your best shot!
Yesterday was great, we both slept in a bit, but then we got up and out and ran errands and were incredibly productive, took a drive to visit out of town friends, and then caught my cousin's show last night (joeclopton.com - he freakin rocks man!). All and all is was a pretty excellent day - until I was ready for bed. Once again I lay there for hours and hours. Fortunately I fell asleep before 4, unfortunately, and unlike any other night, I slept until 11.
So once I got up today it was rushing around to shower and dress and clean the house before I have to leave for the doctor and the babysitter and teacher were coming. I made it to the docs, it was a first visit with a new specialist, and it went well but it took 2 hours. I came home and crashed. I slept till about 4:30. My poor kid. She was fine, worked on this new computerized home design thing she loves, napped, homework, the dog, but still, poor kid. I didn't have energy to string a sentence together until 6:30. Even then I was far from ways away from a spring in my step and sly grin on my face - try heavy lidded eyes and husky I'm sleeping voice with an irritable 'the phone woke me and now I can't get back to sleep' attitude.
About 5 she called her Dad to remind him she was spending the night. As I was still pretty out of it she asked him to pick her up. He told her to call him about 7 or 7:30 for an answer. So she called at 7:15, he yelled at her for calling before 7:30 and told her to call back later. So she did - and he asked his roommate if they could pick up the kid (Brief explaination here - the guy chooses not to pay child support so the state has taken his drivers license. If he doesn't come up with $300 before May 1st, he'll finally go to jail - that may sound harsh BUT his current monthly support is ONLY $100 - I'm nice, really nice - and with the current amount in mind - he's over $28,000 behind. You have to struggle to get that far behind - I mean, you really have to work at it to be such a deadbeat.)
Unknownst to him, the kid heard both sides of his conversation and it went like this:
DAD to roommate: Hey, do you mind if we go get the kid?
ROOMMATE'S IMMEDIATE RESPONSE; Yeah, sure.
DAD into the phone: Are you sure? You sounded kinda hesitant like you're not feeling good or something.
ROOMMATE: Yeah, no, that's fine. How bout half an hour?
The kid got off the phone to tell me he would be here in half an hour but she had tears in her eyes - I asked what's wrong and she told me not to be mad or anything, and then relayed the conversation. She was pissed. She was pissed that she had to call him 3 times before he'd ask his roomate, and when the guy said yeah, immediately in a non-upset tone, that her dad tried to weasle out of it - she felt like he was lying, that he didn't want her there but was trying to blame it on the roommate being an asshole and not wanting to drive. Except she said jerk and not asshole.
She's right you know. But asshole is a more appropriate description than jerk. I'm sure there are even more appropriate descriptions out there and welcome your version - so come one, gimme your best shot!
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