euro male... the refined version

Sorta like a metro-sexual but not - not the level of artificiality I attach to the more slimy metro males.... The euro make is smooth and stylish, comfortable in his own skin - and in yours... he's attentive, listens, engages, and responds in all the right ways, his overtures are more in tune to what women want - by American standards the Euro male is the guy American men hate - sensitive, thoughtful, full of little meaningful gestures and the extra touch...

And it doesn't always lead to sex. American men - they go out of their way in the same manner and they expect to get laid. Here, it's more like an ongoing seduction... a complete seduction - and it's quite nice to be the object of that attention.

However - sex is viewed differently - sexuality is a large component of life while sex is merely a physical act. The emotional connection is not so much love or affection but more interest or desire, monogamy with in a relationship is not necessarily the standard... one person to another is not only permissive but almost expected.

Interests are fleeting, desire is a transitory state, and every physical action has an end.

Ultimately it feels like people change their focus as often as they change their underwear... and hopefully you're changing your underwear in a fairly frequent basis.

finally, a first in my thirties...

i have never had a crush on a friend like i do on him. he literally makes my heart beat faster and i feel a little giddy when he shows up. this is so lame. he's one of the more thoughtful and interesting guys i've ever met. and after dinner, when he had to leave i was talking with a friend about how damn attractive he is and she said something about it nagging at her, wondering what he'd be like in bed, and i honestly haven't ever been consumed with that - instead i'm just stuck on any form of skin to skin contact and it drives me nuts that he kisses me on the lips when he sees me!!!! like, crazy nuts. i want to really kiss him back instead of the chaste close lipped kiss that's offered along with a deep and intimate hug. and so when i'm seated and he's passing out hugs i o stay seated so minimize whatever crazy making abilities he has over me. but then he keeps coming back, to give me a real, better, hug and a kiss at my level. AND...

I don't want to date him. ever. not ever. he has a terrible track record and is not in to commitment and doesn't hang out with ex's that he was serious about and can date someone for ages without ever feeling like he's made that transition in to boyfriend - which is kind of the point of ongoing long term dating, isn't it?? and he's such a solitary guy that i don't think he'll ever live with a girl. like, ever, never. i've done the guy consumed with privacy and not comfortable with people knowing we're together and quite honestly find that insulting and restrictive - if i'm happy i should be free to share the source of that with those who care about me - friends, family, whatever.... that's the real issue - i'm happy living by myself, prefer it in many ways, but don't want to rule out the possibility of ever living with someone i love.

anyway - just thought i'd tell you how ridiculous i feel having a crush on my friend. and how weird it is that this is the first time that has ever happened to me. ever. that i can think of - i've had crushes before and on people i know - obviously, but not someone i would call a good friend. not someone where i have to keep a conscious thought about not crossing over the line when we're touching or cuddling or whatever... not someone where i have to make sure i don't drink too much as i know i'd do something inappropriate. and not someone where i am actually worried that crossing that invisible barrier would be bad for our friendship. i've never had a crush on someone i care about to this extent. and he means a lot to me. i cherish the friendship - even without the attraction.

i thought i was too old for firsts.