From Divine on Down - dewey debacle

So, tonight was my friend's birthday and we went to dinner and drinks...six of us left together in two cars - two in one and four in the other. The two left dinner and went home, the four of us went out drinking.

It was a very merry night - and after viewing the pics (forthcoming) some might say it was a very Mary night. Great friends, tons of laughter, company of the highest quality. And plenty of drinks.

Now, I am not slight thing by any stretch of the imagination, yet ya get a few drinks in me and I'm feeling it for quite a while. Seriously. I am rather paranoid about the whole driving thing, and yet know I've driven when I really shouldn't have. Tonight was not to be one of those nights - I was not the driver. But, back to me - a few drinks and I lose an accurate perception and my best judgement. Much like everyone else. I'm also used to my friends drinking more than me and not being impacted in the same manner - they contain themselves a bit better.

So, when we left the place it turns out the driver took a hard sudden left down a side street that caught a cop's attention - he was ahead of us and turned around to follow. He came up with some little infraction to pull us over and then quite politely hauled the driver out and ran him through the whole circuit of tests. Meanwhile, me and my two friends were sitting there stressing - fuck, shit, shut up, stop talking, fuck, can they do this, oh fuck!

So he blew too high. That's what happened. They arrested him and ran all our licenses for background stuff and explained he could either blow again for a formal reading then be released to a sober person or go get his blood drawn and stay in jail for the night. We were still in the car waiting for our ID. He couldn't make up his mind.

Finally, knowing how much I'd had to drink and sure it wouldn't work, I asked if I could blow and see if I'm sober in order to take chare of him - making sure first that if I were over .08 that I couldn't get in trouble for anything as I hadn't been driving and wasn't make a disturbance for a drunk in public citation. He said sure, and after several failed attempts at getting the machine working I finally blew - number unknown, but low enough to be legally sober and take custody of my friend.

After the paperwork and the rigamarole he was released and we went inside - were I had just promised he would stay the night. He grabbed his stuff to go for a walk and get some smokes. We checked with the officers to make sure he could leave without facing arrest, and got their consent. I went back inside.

And sat down. For a long time. And here's what I got out of it:

While we were signing paperwork a call came through - there had been a drunk driving accident - I
was so grateful to be where I was at that exact moment I heard the call, rather than being the reason
behind the call. It's not worth it.

Our driver had offered to drive for the night. That carries responsibilities - such as not drinking.
Now, my friend the host, my other friend, and I each may feel a bit of guilt - maybe since I
apparently was legal I should have been driving or at least offered, or some one else could have
driven or maybe we should have used a different person altogether, or come home instead of
stopping one last place, or or or... And while there may be some truth behind all those options - the
fact of the matter is that when one person takes on a responbility voluntarily there are obligations to
be upheld and other people are reliant upon them carrying those duties out.

Had I been aware that I blew a legal amount maybe I should have offered to drive - but I wasn't aware and didn't feel like that. I felt intoxicated. I wasn't paying attention to how much he was drinking. As far as I could tell he seemed fine - until he started talking with the officer that is.

There are other things that could have happened, and unfortunately it was a huge downer for my friends - the birthday guy and the driver - and totally avoidable. I feel terrible it happened, but I do not feel responsible despite the fact that legally I was more responsible than another. We each choose for ourselves in matters like this. Noone made him drive, noone made him drink. Those were his choices. Unfortunate choices, but ones he can learn from. Hopefully. And we as his friends and witnesses can too.

I am moving to a country with a zero blood alcohol driving policy - zero. Fortunately I will be restricted to public transportation and taxis so I won't have to worry about it.

I GOT ACCEPTED!

Now here comes the hard part...

What to do.

I know what I want to do, go and live and learn and love and grow and be happy. The logistics are working themselves out, I just need to be patient and let that finish happening.

The hard part is how to handle the child issue - which will be an intense but surmountable battle - and the dog, which is just a whole other matter.

The Kid is still holding out hope for an opening to arise, knowing she will be plucked from the list of alternates at one of the country's more presitgious boarding schools. Alternatively she has announced that she will be journeying with me. The Father, as uninvolved as he is in her daily life, will protest at the idea of her leaving the country - although he was fine with her moving cross-country - even though he will have the same amount of visitation and exposure to her either way. That is the surmountable part. She is nearly 15 and can decide for herself. In fact, she has decided and so now I will make sure that is what happens. And if she changes her mind and decides on something else then I will make sure THAT happens as well.

The dog - logistically, that will be a nightmare. Just getting her to and from the airport will be a nightmare. A great big one considering how neurotic she is. I'm not sure an international flight would be in her best interest. I've gotta figure something out.

Meanwhile I am trying to pay attention to the other big issues, like - um, where will we live? How will we get around? Visa stuff and renewing passports...Learning how to navigate the foreign police...Those minor issues that arise.

Like I said, everything will be worked out.

Dammit - the one thing I'm upset about today - the Dandy Warhols had a free listening party in SF tonight and I missed it! The only announced it yesterday and I couldn't get my act together in order to make it happen. I don't know if I'll ever get to see them!