Heroes... not the tv show

I was jumping around recently, following link to link in a rather incoherent fashion when I stopped on something that really spoke to me - a site about Heroes and the companion blog .

It looked like the concept of Hero was more targeted at men - the idea that men can find a hero not focused in violence or aggression, which is so true and worthy of reinforcement - but what got me is the true lack of mainstream heroes in the media.

I thought about my heroes, the ones I have listed in my myspace...

and this is what I have:

My Mom and Dad,for the outstanding example of how wonderful love can be,
my Sister for her courage and indefatigable attitude,
my young brother for his grace, awareness, and truth,
and my daughter for her intelligence and inner strength and growing awareness of her personal power and what it means to be a woman.

Those I have admiration for: Ghandi, Salah al Din, Jane Austen, Rosa Parks, MLK Jr., my childhood friend Lis, my super hot creative philosophical friend, my cousin Will, genius physicians, those who start up all those NGOs we never hear about yet make the most positive impact for the people whose plights we never hear of, Tesla, the Lumiere brothers, and any number of authors and filmmakers and survivors and innovators whose identities are stashed in the back of my head.

And those are true. My heroes are not steeped in violence or aggression, they are not all widely known or notorious, they are not the pop culture pop tarts our young girls idealize and then idolize, my heroes are those I've known personally who have created more than what was expected, they are the ones who stepped oustide the boundaries of their societies to offer something new and worthy and lasting, they are those who showed strength in merely being - without confrontation or agression, with confidence and faith. My heroes are innovators and survivors and your next door neighbor.

I am a hero to others as well.

Each of us have it within ourselves to be something more or something other than whatever label may have been assigned to you yesterday. You're not merely mothers or employees or actors or writers or masseuses or homeless or beaten or broken or survivors... you are many facets of many things rolled up in to one magnificent thinking breathing being.

And we can each take the time to slow down and be peaceful and respectful and thoughtful and gentle and remember it may not be your own child, it may be the one next door, or the one in the grocery store, or the kid making change at the movie theater, but with decency and genuine interaction we can be a hero to another in our daily life.

Peace.

finally, a first in my thirties...

i have never had a crush on a friend like i do on him. he literally makes my heart beat faster and i feel a little giddy when he shows up. this is so lame. he's one of the more thoughtful and interesting guys i've ever met. and after dinner, when he had to leave i was talking with a friend about how damn attractive he is and she said something about it nagging at her, wondering what he'd be like in bed, and i honestly haven't ever been consumed with that - instead i'm just stuck on any form of skin to skin contact and it drives me nuts that he kisses me on the lips when he sees me!!!! like, crazy nuts. i want to really kiss him back instead of the chaste close lipped kiss that's offered along with a deep and intimate hug. and so when i'm seated and he's passing out hugs i o stay seated so minimize whatever crazy making abilities he has over me. but then he keeps coming back, to give me a real, better, hug and a kiss at my level. AND...

I don't want to date him. ever. not ever. he has a terrible track record and is not in to commitment and doesn't hang out with ex's that he was serious about and can date someone for ages without ever feeling like he's made that transition in to boyfriend - which is kind of the point of ongoing long term dating, isn't it?? and he's such a solitary guy that i don't think he'll ever live with a girl. like, ever, never. i've done the guy consumed with privacy and not comfortable with people knowing we're together and quite honestly find that insulting and restrictive - if i'm happy i should be free to share the source of that with those who care about me - friends, family, whatever.... that's the real issue - i'm happy living by myself, prefer it in many ways, but don't want to rule out the possibility of ever living with someone i love.

anyway - just thought i'd tell you how ridiculous i feel having a crush on my friend. and how weird it is that this is the first time that has ever happened to me. ever. that i can think of - i've had crushes before and on people i know - obviously, but not someone i would call a good friend. not someone where i have to keep a conscious thought about not crossing over the line when we're touching or cuddling or whatever... not someone where i have to make sure i don't drink too much as i know i'd do something inappropriate. and not someone where i am actually worried that crossing that invisible barrier would be bad for our friendship. i've never had a crush on someone i care about to this extent. and he means a lot to me. i cherish the friendship - even without the attraction.

i thought i was too old for firsts.

California On Fire

For almost a month now the sky has been a hazy white - it's the smoke from all of the wildfires. There have been less than a week's worth of blue sky, and not a cloud out there either. It's the gross toxic haze left over from Mendocino, Butte, Tahoe, Santa Cruz, Monterey, etc... They're all ablaze and none too far away.

An article on cnn.com said that over the past 3 weeks nearly 1,200 square miles have burned up in this great state. Crazy huh? What's even crazier, is that Rhode Island, the STATE of Rhode Island, isn't even 1,200 square miles. California is so big we've burned up a portion of our state larger than Rhode Island, and only lost about 100 homes! WTF!!! If Rhode Island suddenly burst into flames after a crazy lightening storms I can guarantee they'd lose more than 100 homes.

OUR FIREFIGHTERS ROCK!!!

Not only are they the super brave modern super heros - they're overwrought and exhausted, physically drained, emotionally spent humans who have been relentless with their work on a non-stop basis for days on end.

Thank you.