I am worth $2,271,594 on HumanForSale.com
How much are you worth?
Just in case you were wondering what I'm worth, there you go - a lot more than I expected,that's for sure, I mean if you were going to acutally assign a monetary value to me, because as everyone who knows me knows - I am priceless and irreplaceable! As are we all dear, as are we all.
My kid is worth exactly $2,238,586. I'd have thought they'd take her future earnings in to consideration and props for an SAT score in jr high, but I guess the system is flawed. Any system assigning monetary value to human life is flawed quite honestly.
Saturday, March 10, 2007
Friday, March 9, 2007
Dismal Day & a Dumb Idea
Today was not delightful. Reality won. I slept too much, and then cried, and slept somemore. I have decided I don't like methadone much, but I don't hate it as much as I hate morphine. I like morphine in the hospital after surgery or something, but when you take it at home by yourself it just fucks you up. Don't get me wrong, methadone does too - but what it doesn't do - and nobody told me about this, discovered it the harsh way - methadone does not give you hallucinations while morphine can! Seriously - did you know that?!? It's not classified as a hallucinogenic, but man, it sure does the job!! Thanks for the forewarning there - for a few days I just thought I'd lost it! But that's all in the past, and no longer my present so let me not dwell there lest I get lost on the depths of my morphine hell...
As I hang at home & wait for a diagnosis I have time to think about my developing art career. I have a studio of sorts at home, and continue to stock up on supplies. I've thought of a new project that could be super cool - acutally it might be really cool for real, so I'll tell you about it later after I try it, and you can laugh at my silly little (legally) drug induced ideas after the fact and not ruin my fun beforehand... Did you see Party Monster? What about the corresponding Shockumentary? I'm not endorsing them as my all time favorite movies or anything, it's just that there's a book I want to write about the late 80s/early 90s NYC pop culture icons - not the crazy man in jail for killing his dealer, but of that era...don't know why but for some reason it won't leave my mind. There'd be a very limited audience, and considering that I'm a west coaster, and not a gay man, nor very outrageous in my daily life, it might be a bit hard to get the inside scoop. But I still think it'd be interesting - at least it would be interesting to me. Maybe I'll master canvas arts first and then take on the literary world. Oh, oh, oh yeah - I started knitting today. I've decided that once I get the knack of this, with all my new found free time I'm going to knit a blankie for my baby nephew whom I rarely see, but truly adore! Holding him lets me satisfy my maternal cravings for the smell and feel of a baby without incurring any pain or additional costs - the least I can do is make him a blankie since he's saving me at least $100k! Besides, I love the kid.
As I hang at home & wait for a diagnosis I have time to think about my developing art career. I have a studio of sorts at home, and continue to stock up on supplies. I've thought of a new project that could be super cool - acutally it might be really cool for real, so I'll tell you about it later after I try it, and you can laugh at my silly little (legally) drug induced ideas after the fact and not ruin my fun beforehand... Did you see Party Monster? What about the corresponding Shockumentary? I'm not endorsing them as my all time favorite movies or anything, it's just that there's a book I want to write about the late 80s/early 90s NYC pop culture icons - not the crazy man in jail for killing his dealer, but of that era...don't know why but for some reason it won't leave my mind. There'd be a very limited audience, and considering that I'm a west coaster, and not a gay man, nor very outrageous in my daily life, it might be a bit hard to get the inside scoop. But I still think it'd be interesting - at least it would be interesting to me. Maybe I'll master canvas arts first and then take on the literary world. Oh, oh, oh yeah - I started knitting today. I've decided that once I get the knack of this, with all my new found free time I'm going to knit a blankie for my baby nephew whom I rarely see, but truly adore! Holding him lets me satisfy my maternal cravings for the smell and feel of a baby without incurring any pain or additional costs - the least I can do is make him a blankie since he's saving me at least $100k! Besides, I love the kid.
How to Maintain Coherency...
That really is a question rather than an instructional heading. I'm trying to discover the answer on a daily basis.
This whole icky nerve pain/numbness thing has the Drs temporarily (I stress the temporarily part) baffled - as there are few MDs whole like to admit they are without an answer they tend to medicate the crap out of me! I recently started treatment with a Dr outside of the regular insurance loop. When we got to reviewing my meds - he looked at me and asked "Are you sure that's what you're supposed to be taking?" After an affirmative response, and a viewing of the Rx bottles in my bag, he then asked, "Did you drive yourself here?" After yet another referral outside the system, and another increase by those silly neuro docs, this new doc asked "How are you walking??"
Sometimes I wonder myself.
Let me tell you, this isn't the fun and kicks you'd expect from heavy screw you up meds combined with every increasing amounts of heavy screw you up opiates...shall I remind you, I'm just another human being trying to raise a kid on her own, maintain a household, and retain a sense of self respect and individuality.
It's not so easy when you can't open your eyes all the way.
This whole icky nerve pain/numbness thing has the Drs temporarily (I stress the temporarily part) baffled - as there are few MDs whole like to admit they are without an answer they tend to medicate the crap out of me! I recently started treatment with a Dr outside of the regular insurance loop. When we got to reviewing my meds - he looked at me and asked "Are you sure that's what you're supposed to be taking?" After an affirmative response, and a viewing of the Rx bottles in my bag, he then asked, "Did you drive yourself here?" After yet another referral outside the system, and another increase by those silly neuro docs, this new doc asked "How are you walking??"
Sometimes I wonder myself.
Let me tell you, this isn't the fun and kicks you'd expect from heavy screw you up meds combined with every increasing amounts of heavy screw you up opiates...shall I remind you, I'm just another human being trying to raise a kid on her own, maintain a household, and retain a sense of self respect and individuality.
It's not so easy when you can't open your eyes all the way.
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