Be quiet and learn.

I know a little about a lot of different things and a lot about very little... and sometimes I need to remember to just be quiet and listen and learn.... I tend to get excited about stuff and talk, attempt to uphold my end of a conversation, when in fact, sometimes I'm listening to someone who is an authority in their field, and I really should just shut up and absorb the information the world has put out there for me to glean. Life is an ongoing learning experience, and I'm fortunate that I have the opportunity for a repeat performance, although at a group lecture instead of a one-on-one interaction. The opportunity has not passed, and this time I won't be talking.

reasons why i dont date... but i'm getting better

I've taken a break from dating as I have such seriously screwy taste in men... it's never a sane, balanced and healthy choice.

BUT - I am getting better... and this is what helped me realize that -

I was on the tram the other day (Europe, not my hometown, but where I'm living - still don't speak the language so keep that in mind while reading) and there was this guy who got on at about the same time as me.

I looked over and quickly registered his presence and my immediate reaction was - Damn, he's hot!.

Thick wavy locks pulled back in a quick ponytail, brown, but sun bleached like a serious surfers, not too tall, not too short, deep tan to go with the sun bleached hair, loose white cotton shirt, dark comfy khakis... he looked calm, cool, and collected. And sexy.
Really sexy.

This is the point where normally my thought process and logic stop. The following is why I say I'm getting better.

We rode on the tram for only 1 stop and the happened to get off together. During the short ride I realized he beyond merely hot and ventured in to incredibly sexy - but there was something more... something else, elusive, mysterious. Definitely mysterious.

As we stepped off I laughed at myself trying to figure out what it was that hung around his presence - and thought, well he's either sexy or he's crazy, it's one of the other... I have these mental conversations sometimes, mocking myself, chastising myself, congratulating myself - whatever it is that's needed at that moment.

Once I thought it I realized - THAT WAS IT! We were walking the same direction and so I had a bit more time to observe him... and somehow my subconscious had picked up on something my consciousness had overlooked... the guy really was crazy. He'd kept it together on the tram, but as crossed the street and made our way in to Tesco it became apparent the man 3 steps ahead of me was definitely off his rocker... the muttering (no earpiece for a phone, trust me I triple checked), the abrupt jolty movements, the off kilter smile accompanied by the empty glazed eyes...

Normally I don't get to the crazy stage - not to say the men I find attractive aren't crazy - THEY ARE - but I just don't usually realize it within the first few... hours, days, minutes.... I find out after I've taken the initiative and engaged in conversation and possibly had dinner or drinks or something - a long time later, is the point.

I was pretty proud of myself. There is hope for me. If I can cut down the recognition lag from days to minutes, there's a chance I can get it before the HE'S HOT thought registers... and then hopefully, maybe someday if I'm luck, just find a not-crazy guy. I don't think that's asking for much... just... not crazy.