Richmond High gang rape, SR gang rape - what is wrong with these men?

People ask me about the sense of safety and security here, compared to home. Richmond is not far from home. While this is going on, back in SR there is a preliminary hearing about another 15 year old girl who was was walking home, grabbed by a car of men, driven to a local school and raped and beaten. She, however, did not have to be hospitalized in critical condition for her injuries. She hid her bruises for a few days out of fear, embarassment and a sense of disgrace. Young women are victimized not only by the violence they've experienced, but again by the societal perception of the experience and questions around their acts or actions that may have "led to" or "warranted" sexual aggression.

This insanity must end. Not to say this is a cultural norm, as fortunately it's not, but for any gathering of 20 men to either participate or passively give their presence to such an atrocious act - it is a strong indication that our society is failing. I don't have the answers, but parents must take the first steps to responsibly raise their children by lovingly teaching them integrity and respect... on so many levels that would make this world a better place.

Uhhh, seriously behind here

Not that it matters too much, but, I've had a few things come up.

ONE - I am tired of trying to explain why I don't date. I've got 2 years left with my kid, whom I adore and whose company I enjoy, and I don't want to spend a chunk of that trying to meet someone special - I've got someone special to focus on and then the rest of my life to find a partner.

TWO - I am surrounded by adorable boys. Adorable younger boys who meet me and think we're much, much closer in age than we really are... and their interest is quite complimentary. And reciprocated... cause they're adorable.

What is too much of an age difference for an uncommitted not-dating but hanging out dynamic? Is there such a thing as too much of an age difference? And does it matter if the woman is older? How young is too young? I ask that cause I was reading a quote from Madonna today (in a serious book about cultural studies) and she stated she likes boys young... like 16 or 17 young. That, for me, is too young. Even thought it's legal here.

Thoughts?

Be quiet and learn.

I know a little about a lot of different things and a lot about very little... and sometimes I need to remember to just be quiet and listen and learn.... I tend to get excited about stuff and talk, attempt to uphold my end of a conversation, when in fact, sometimes I'm listening to someone who is an authority in their field, and I really should just shut up and absorb the information the world has put out there for me to glean. Life is an ongoing learning experience, and I'm fortunate that I have the opportunity for a repeat performance, although at a group lecture instead of a one-on-one interaction. The opportunity has not passed, and this time I won't be talking.

reasons why i dont date... but i'm getting better

I've taken a break from dating as I have such seriously screwy taste in men... it's never a sane, balanced and healthy choice.

BUT - I am getting better... and this is what helped me realize that -

I was on the tram the other day (Europe, not my hometown, but where I'm living - still don't speak the language so keep that in mind while reading) and there was this guy who got on at about the same time as me.

I looked over and quickly registered his presence and my immediate reaction was - Damn, he's hot!.

Thick wavy locks pulled back in a quick ponytail, brown, but sun bleached like a serious surfers, not too tall, not too short, deep tan to go with the sun bleached hair, loose white cotton shirt, dark comfy khakis... he looked calm, cool, and collected. And sexy.
Really sexy.

This is the point where normally my thought process and logic stop. The following is why I say I'm getting better.

We rode on the tram for only 1 stop and the happened to get off together. During the short ride I realized he beyond merely hot and ventured in to incredibly sexy - but there was something more... something else, elusive, mysterious. Definitely mysterious.

As we stepped off I laughed at myself trying to figure out what it was that hung around his presence - and thought, well he's either sexy or he's crazy, it's one of the other... I have these mental conversations sometimes, mocking myself, chastising myself, congratulating myself - whatever it is that's needed at that moment.

Once I thought it I realized - THAT WAS IT! We were walking the same direction and so I had a bit more time to observe him... and somehow my subconscious had picked up on something my consciousness had overlooked... the guy really was crazy. He'd kept it together on the tram, but as crossed the street and made our way in to Tesco it became apparent the man 3 steps ahead of me was definitely off his rocker... the muttering (no earpiece for a phone, trust me I triple checked), the abrupt jolty movements, the off kilter smile accompanied by the empty glazed eyes...

Normally I don't get to the crazy stage - not to say the men I find attractive aren't crazy - THEY ARE - but I just don't usually realize it within the first few... hours, days, minutes.... I find out after I've taken the initiative and engaged in conversation and possibly had dinner or drinks or something - a long time later, is the point.

I was pretty proud of myself. There is hope for me. If I can cut down the recognition lag from days to minutes, there's a chance I can get it before the HE'S HOT thought registers... and then hopefully, maybe someday if I'm luck, just find a not-crazy guy. I don't think that's asking for much... just... not crazy.

euro male... the refined version

Sorta like a metro-sexual but not - not the level of artificiality I attach to the more slimy metro males.... The euro make is smooth and stylish, comfortable in his own skin - and in yours... he's attentive, listens, engages, and responds in all the right ways, his overtures are more in tune to what women want - by American standards the Euro male is the guy American men hate - sensitive, thoughtful, full of little meaningful gestures and the extra touch...

And it doesn't always lead to sex. American men - they go out of their way in the same manner and they expect to get laid. Here, it's more like an ongoing seduction... a complete seduction - and it's quite nice to be the object of that attention.

However - sex is viewed differently - sexuality is a large component of life while sex is merely a physical act. The emotional connection is not so much love or affection but more interest or desire, monogamy with in a relationship is not necessarily the standard... one person to another is not only permissive but almost expected.

Interests are fleeting, desire is a transitory state, and every physical action has an end.

Ultimately it feels like people change their focus as often as they change their underwear... and hopefully you're changing your underwear in a fairly frequent basis.