Tuesday, September 4, 2007

Update on the "I" or "I" dilemma AND a new adventure for me too!

So, that weekend was a disaster, however the following week I was asked and therefore spent a wonderful lunch just chatting and talking with the local guy and truly enjoying his company. It was nice. Ran in to him at a party that weekend too, nice and brief interaction, and then he left for a the weeklong BM experience. He probably arrived home today, and I'm super excited to hear about his trip and see his pics. I so wanted to go, but it wasn't in my cards for this year....hopefully next I will make it! Seriously - I want to be there.

AND the weekend that he left I took myself on a new little adventure - I made my way out to Harbin Hot Springs for the very first time and fell in love with the healing and peacefulness that place exudes...it was incredible! It was all perfect except for one thing - I had my monthly visitor and so was not comfortable going completely nude, and kept my bottoms on for the day. Next time though!!! I will truly experience it. The other incredible thing was just getting to know some new people who are really nice and friendly, and then discovering that one of them was someone I had met earlier in life - when I was in a bad place with my ex-husband, and he would intentionally show up where I was with some girl or another, and then wait till I had left my seat at the club to dance or mingle or use the bathroom, and then come in, and sit his girly friend down in my chair and start talking with the people I was there with. He had done it too many times, and after a few drinks I lost a little bit of my ladylike decorum and was extremely and exceedingly rude to this new girl, while tying to be decent to my ex-husband as we'd been going through a difficult time and were really iffy between peaceful co-existence and hatefilled interatction - I was continuing to aim for the former.

Anyway, when I got home that night I was totally mortified by my behavior - it had been so extreme and unkind and hateful towards this girl, and I knew she felt it - it was pretty obvious snubbing, biting sarcasm, and just plain rude lack of acknowledgement. And yes, she was sitting on my chair, with my drink, and rather than just tell her to get up, I sat down and sort of shoved her off - not all the way, but most of the way, while I was talking to a friend whom I had purpsefully introduced to everyone but her. I felt awful and was embarassed, but hadn't ever really looked her in the face and therefore would not have been ablel to pick her out of a lineup in the bar and so was unable to track her down to apologize.

Until we were at Harbin and she mentioned something to me about Him. And then I couldn't stop apologizing. She really deserved a bit more, not just from me, but from him too for intentionally putting her in the situation, offering her my seat, and refusing her request that he explain to me that they were nothing but rather distant friends.

OK, I'm tired now, so this is down. Bye!

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