Dismal Day & a Dumb Idea

Today was not delightful. Reality won. I slept too much, and then cried, and slept somemore. I have decided I don't like methadone much, but I don't hate it as much as I hate morphine. I like morphine in the hospital after surgery or something, but when you take it at home by yourself it just fucks you up. Don't get me wrong, methadone does too - but what it doesn't do - and nobody told me about this, discovered it the harsh way - methadone does not give you hallucinations while morphine can! Seriously - did you know that?!? It's not classified as a hallucinogenic, but man, it sure does the job!! Thanks for the forewarning there - for a few days I just thought I'd lost it! But that's all in the past, and no longer my present so let me not dwell there lest I get lost on the depths of my morphine hell...

As I hang at home & wait for a diagnosis I have time to think about my developing art career. I have a studio of sorts at home, and continue to stock up on supplies. I've thought of a new project that could be super cool - acutally it might be really cool for real, so I'll tell you about it later after I try it, and you can laugh at my silly little (legally) drug induced ideas after the fact and not ruin my fun beforehand... Did you see Party Monster? What about the corresponding Shockumentary? I'm not endorsing them as my all time favorite movies or anything, it's just that there's a book I want to write about the late 80s/early 90s NYC pop culture icons - not the crazy man in jail for killing his dealer, but of that era...don't know why but for some reason it won't leave my mind. There'd be a very limited audience, and considering that I'm a west coaster, and not a gay man, nor very outrageous in my daily life, it might be a bit hard to get the inside scoop. But I still think it'd be interesting - at least it would be interesting to me. Maybe I'll master canvas arts first and then take on the literary world. Oh, oh, oh yeah - I started knitting today. I've decided that once I get the knack of this, with all my new found free time I'm going to knit a blankie for my baby nephew whom I rarely see, but truly adore! Holding him lets me satisfy my maternal cravings for the smell and feel of a baby without incurring any pain or additional costs - the least I can do is make him a blankie since he's saving me at least $100k! Besides, I love the kid.